So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
