I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
