Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
