guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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