we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
