If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
