yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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