You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I need water and some morals
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
