I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
