I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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