Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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