it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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