problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
