I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
