i'm signing you up for texting rehab
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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