Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
