i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
