SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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