Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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