Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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