This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
