"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
