HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
