he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
