Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Semen is not good for contacts.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
