Are we in a gay sports bar?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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