Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
