Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
