my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
