I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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