So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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