This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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