The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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