Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am naked and annoyed.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
