just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
my poor anus
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
