I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
