That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
