dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
