i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
