I swear she didn't look like that last week.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
