Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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