Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
