He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
