Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
