i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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