new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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