He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
