OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
