All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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