Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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