using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
