That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
