Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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