The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
