I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
