Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
